Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize