I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
