also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
