There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
