God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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