My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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