I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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