no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Less talking, more tequila
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
