Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
