Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
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the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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