I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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