I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
