ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
