He disabled his match.com account in front of me
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
