I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
