He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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