i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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