I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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