Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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