dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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