I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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