He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
