I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
