please come you make the beer taste better
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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