Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
