I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
