and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Randomize
