well I can't set my house on fire every night
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
