Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
