So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
