its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow