I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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