You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
