Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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