I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
