I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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