It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So many bounce houses so little time
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
