she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
