i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
