so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
