i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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