yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
