I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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