I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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