holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
