Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
