So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
