I got chris browned last night
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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