Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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