I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
