LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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