tell your sister to shave her snatch
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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