That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
