you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
