I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
This beer is not sobering me up at all
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
