Rock
Scissors
Fuck
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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