So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
