i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
