Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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