I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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