i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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